Tough vs. Tender
Hey all.
I've been thinking recently about the method of delivery used by people when they are challenging others. As i see it, there are basically two methods available...
1) Tough Love
2) Tender Love
For those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about - try to answer this question: When you were at school, did you respond better and achieve more when a teacher was firm, strong, direct, and sometimes even mean - or did you get more out of a teacher who was kind, sweet, forgiving, and a gentle encourager?
Put very simply - the stick or the carrot.
Personally I'm a tough love man. I started realising this when in year 9 I had a D&T teacher named Mr. Supple. Monster of a man (in sheer size that is - he was buff). When i messed up, didn't do my homework, or goofed off (which anyone who went to school with me would know happened all too often) he would slam me on it. But was consistent and fair in his discipline. I was a little fearful of him - but respected him, and did some of my best work with him as my teacher because he demanded it of me.
Another example would be being rebuked (whether indirectly via a sermon or directly via one on one). I respond much better to something like:
"Stop being such a dumb ass and get your act together. You know what you're doing is wrong. Stop pretending, making excuses for yourself and lying. Jesus died for you - how can treat him with such disrespect? Live for him and stop living for yourself."
... rather than:
"Oh look its ok. Don't get down about this. No ones perfect, and you're not alone. You just have to try harder next time. You're not that bad, you just made a mistake. And remember, God loves you."
What do you generally respond better to?
And which do you think is a better method for rebuking or teaching others?
Thoughts...?
posted by James @ 12:09 PM
8 comments
8 Comments:
welcome back - glad to see the topic (mostly cos you know i'm curious about the results...)
i want toughness with a little sugar coating - for example if i put forward a dumb idea i'd like the response to be "that wont work because...." rather than "NO (inference - "you idiot").
sort of the same in terms of godliness and rebuking but in that case i often respect people a lot more for being on the stronger side - shows that they put my relationship with God before how i feel about them - which is pretty cool actually...(and something that i would definatley respect someone for)
but how to find that balance!!!
tough love. always tough love.
What about Telstra Payphone love?
I need the tough love. Both from others and from myself, if you see what I mean. I've been known to have very strong words with myself. And then of course I won't talk to me anymore.
James Says: Yeah i agree with u MP. As i said in the post tough love gets the message across to me better.
However, i think if you're delivering it to someone else, you need to take them and their personalities into account.
I think guys respond better to tough.
For The Girls: Are girls better with tender love? Or does it depend on the girl?
hey welcome back again hehe
I would say it depends on the girl really...but in some situations tough love just needs to be given regardless of the person, if that makes sense? I agree with jodi, it does show that if people are taking a hard line with rebuking then they must value your relationship with God first, which is very cool - one of those things which is potentially hard initially but then you realise just how important it is! (and im speaking from experience here too...)
balance between the two is good, but depends on the situation, cos sometimes hard line just needs to be taken, afterall, humans are pretty silly sometimes hehe
just read this verse tonite and thought it was appropriate...
"What do you prefer? Shall I come to you with a whip, or in love and with a gentle spirit?" 1 corinthians 4:21
I think we can learn from the way Paul rebukes the corinthians in this chapter, and the whole book...
Or we could look to God as an example
"Who is this that darkens my counsel with words without knowledge?
3 Brace yourself like a man;
I will question you,
and you shall answer me.
4 "Where were you when I laid the earth's foundation?
Tell me, if you understand...
(Job 38)
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